Conscious Communication
So often when we are speaking and the listener is not paying attention, it seems the only rational thing to do is raise our voice. While a loud voice does indeed grab their attention, it feels annoying and threatening, which of course causes the listener to react protectively. Their negative reaction can show up by pushing back verbally, refusing to listen, or simply walking away. Clinical psychologists suggest that when we demand attention with a loud voice, we train others to behave in a similar way, which only serves to escalate hard feelings.
Observation
In the case of children, who learn best through observation, when they are at the receiving end of loud, aggressive, and fear producing demands, we teach them that volume means power and that power wins the battle. In effect, we teach our children to behave as we behave. A child’s prefrontal cortex -that part of the brain that is the spot of conscientiousness and regulates knowledge of right and wrong, etc. - is not yet fully developed, so how we behave and how we treat them literally shapes their brain, beliefs, and behaviors.
Learn
Good communication skills are a sign of consciousness development skills and emotional regulation patterns. Teaching our children, by example, how to speak well and listen politely shapes their ability to communicate their thoughts and feelings in respectful, non-offensive ways. Children learn communication habits from us, and they deserve to be coached by us in the best ways possible.
Practice
Similarly, when adults are challenged with situations that produce conflict and stirs up strong triggering reactions, it is an outstanding opportunity to practice thinking before speaking with clarity and sagacity - as well as practicing deep listening skills. Communicating well is a skill that all humans can, and should, learn to master. Speaking well and listening attentively can either make or break a relationship, business transaction, family dispute, or any other important moments in life.
“Teaching and practicing conscious communication skills should begin in early childhood by adult example. ”